Real Bumper stickers

    * Hang up and drive.

    * Horn broken, watch for finger.

    * I'm just driving this way to piss you off.

    * Keep honking, I'm reloading.

    * Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

    * I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

    * Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

    * Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

    * Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

    * Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

    * If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

    * A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

    * Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

    * I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

    * My kid had sex with your honor student.

    * Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!

    * It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

    * Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

    * Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

    * The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

    * Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

    * Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

    * Jesus is coming..... everyone look busy.

    * Jesus paid for our sins... now lets get our money's worth.

    * Lord save me from your followers.

    * The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

    * If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

    * I love cats ... they taste just like chicken

    * Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.

    * He/She who laughs last thinks slowest

    * When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

    * Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

    * Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.

    * Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

    * Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

    * Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

    * Be nice to your kids. They'll be choosing your nursing home.

    * Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply

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