Men jokes...

Why did God make man before woman?
You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

Why do men masturbate?
It's sex with someone they love.

Why does it take 1 MILLION sperms to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop and ask for directions.

Why did the man cross the road
He heard the chicken was a slut.

What can a bird do that a man can't?
Whistle through its pecker.

How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.

Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here either."

How do some men define Roe Vs Wade?
Two ways to cross a river.

How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you.

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes

Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in any more.

How many men does it take to screw a light bulb?
Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it.

Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.

Why don't men have PMS?
What would be the point, they act like that all the time.

What's a man's idea of a romatic gift that is also practical?
A toaster that glows in the dark.

They say that men only care about sex. That's not exactly true.
They also care a lot about:
(a) power and world domination,
(b) money,
(c) beer.

Why is a man like a snowstorm?
Because you don't know when it's coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
Porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What do coffee, cats and men have in common?
Hey all keep you awake at night.
(at least you hope)

Why did God create men?
Because vibrators can't take out the garbage.

Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

Husband: want a quicky?
Wife: as opposed to what?

What do toilets and anniversaries have in common?
Men always miss them

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