I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

* I do hard, physical (and repetitious) labor
* I work in close quarters and at great depths
* I work head first
* I do not get weekends or statutory holidays off
* I work in a damp environment
* I don't get paid overtime
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
* I work in high temperatures
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases


Response from the administration:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

* You do not work 8 hours straight
* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
* You do not always follow the orders of the management team
* You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
* You take a lot of unauthorized breaks
* You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
* You don't always practice proper safety measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfit
* You don't wait until pension age before retiring
* You don't like working double shifts
* You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work
* And if that were not enough, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.
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