Everyday I give thanks to the Goddess
that I have two mounds upon my bodice,
shave my legs, sit down to pee
& can justify any shopping spree.

Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon.
Can get a massage without a hard-on.
I can balance the checkbook, can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass.

My beauty's a masterpiece, and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit to others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles at any cost,
And I don't have a problem admitting I'm lost.

I never forget an important date
You just gotta deal with it, I'm usually late
I don't watch movies with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay to remember the score.

I won't lose my hair,
I don't get jock itch,
And just cause I'm assertive,
Don't call me a bitch.

I don't wear the same underwear everyday,
The food in my fridge has no sign of decay.
Don't burp, don't belch and I certainly don't fart,
Ballet, not football, is what I consider an art

Don't say to your friends,
Oh yeah, I can get her
In your dreams, my dear,
I can do better!

Flowers are okay,
But jewelry's best.
Would you look at my face,
Not at my chest!

I don't have a problem
Expressing my feelings
I know when you're lying,
You look at the ceiling.

Don't call me a girl,
A babe or a chick.
I am a WOMAN,
Get it, you prick?!

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