Q: How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three -- one to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company.

Q: How many defense attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?

Q: Why do some lawyers carry their certification on their dashboard?
A: So they can park in the handicapped parking; it's proof of a moral disability.

Q: Why should lawyers be buried 100 feet deep?
A: Because deep down, they're really good people.

Q: Why do lawyers carry their certification on their dashboard?
A: So they can park in the handicapped parking for proof of a moral disability.

Q: What is a criminal lawyer?
A: Redundant.

Q: What are lawyers good for?
A: They make used car salesmen look good.

Q: What do you call a person who assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested?
A: A lawyer.

Q: How can you tell when your lawyer is lying?
A: His lips move.

Q: How do you save a drowning lawyer?
A: Take your foot off his head.

Q: Why is it that so many lawyers have broken noses?
A: From chasing parked ambulances.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.

Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks?
A: Professional courtesy.

Q: How many corporate attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Who knows, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

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